Yellow card = broken tibia

Margaret, I hope the meeting went well! Good people working towards good things. Just goodness all around.

It's been a week since I broke my leg, and I am only now finding the motivation to write about it. It shames me to admit that I have just not found myself in a very Lenten space since it happened, perhaps explaining my absence in this forum that I was so passionate about just weeks ago. After a week or so of denial, I've found it better to just own the dryness and frustration and perhaps explore it a bit.

For me, Lent has always been a time of action and comtemplation - but what I never realized was how that contemplation was so tied into the action. It was reflection about my days - about the various situations and people I came across and interacted with, and the ways in which i was trying to more concretely serve others, in this everpresent reminder of Christ that would keep me company on walks, or penetrating work, or in social situations. But try as I may, that same comtemplation and reflection is the last thing I can (or want to) think about in this immobile prison I find myself in. And who am I to complain, 'woe is me and my immobility' - such a minor cause of suffering in this world, and amazing I've never suffered a broken bone before now to be honest... But somehow I can be entirely aware of that, aware of the reality that this probably couldn't have come at a better time, and that it is such a luxery to be able to stay in bed all day with people who love me able to take care of me, and to be able to stop working and still be supported, but aware as I might be - I still hate it.

So there is a sense of guilt, which is of course imediately followed by frustration and a minute amount of self-loathing. Pretty much anything but the motivation and inspiration I desire to accept this and use this "gift" of downtime to pray (SO needed) and reflect.

I will not pretend that I have now found that inspiration, or even that I am moving in that direction. But I will at least acknowledge that that is where I am. For better or worse.

Still thinking of you all often. And sending lots of love!